The way we communicate creates or breaks a relationship. Whether it fosters connection or fosters distance. It is easy to become caught in communication habits in our love relationships that destroy and weaken them over time. 84 percent of my previous 44 inquiries mentioned communication as a problem or were in a crisis situation when communication was inevitably compromised.
As adults, we all have a voice in what we say. So, how can we strengthen and improve our love relationships through communication?
Here are five suggestions to help you and your relationship:
1. Determine your own needs
Healthy partnerships require two healthy people. So, while it may seem counter-intuitive to focus on yourself in order to improve your relationship, it is critical. This does not imply that you expect your spouse to satisfy all of your needs! In reality, the opposite is true. Knowing what you need puts you in a better position to address those needs for yourself or to explicitly ask your spouse for help. Want to know more and see what this looks like?
2. Stop pointing fingers
How frequently do you point a finger at anything your partner says or does? Catch yourself the next time. Take note of everything you didn't like about it and what you did to prepare for it. Stop berating or demeaning your mate. Instead, express how you feel, what you dislike about their behaviour, and why. So, instead of saying, "You made me feel X by doing Y," this is about stating, "I feel X. I dislike it when you do Y because...”. Alternatively, you may find yourself blaming your spouse in order to avoid doing something you feel bad or uncomfortable about. In such instance, having the fortitude to apologise and accept responsibility for your own behaviour can almost certainly build connection if you truly mean it. Do you want further information on how to make this change?
3. Discuss with your partner
Do you try to avoid and withdraw? It is critical to understand that a lack of communication is still communication. Your companion is left to interpret your absence and create conclusions about you that are unlikely to be accurate. Withdrawal and quiet can be associated with wrath and punishment, and it is worth investigating whether this is the case for you. Make an effort to reveal more of yourself and break the habit.
4. Stop name calling
Regardless of how upset you are, calling your spouse names or shouting at them is harmful. This applies to both their self-esteem and your connection. Anger is not an excuse; as adults, we have the ability to choose what we say. In the heat of the moment, it is natural to fool yourself and assume you have no control. However, in relationships, giving oneself permission to say anything you want, regardless of the consequences, has great power. Take note of the instant you cross the line and practise pulling away from your partner or counting to ten. It is time to accept responsibility and handle this before you lose the people you care about, even if it involves talking to someone about your underlying hatred and resentment.
5. Show gratitude to your partner
According to new study, thinking about what we are grateful for can have long-term benefits for our brains as well as our sense of well-being and happiness. Thanking or showing thanks to our spouse for their actions, thoughts, or words is a powerful method to increase pleasure and connection. Sharing gratitude with each other on a regular basis is a practise I propose to couples who wish to re-establish their connection after a tough period in their relationship.
The Ability to Change
If you are unhappy, frustrated, or furious in your relationship and want something to change, you have the ability to do it. Waiting for your spouse to get it or be ready delays the inevitable and prolongs whatever you are experiencing. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and again and expecting a different outcome, so why not try out the alternatives above?